Hellblock 13 (1999).
The Scoop:
It’s Halloween! That means ’tis the season for movies to send shivers up your spine and make you jump out of your seat. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those movies. The folks at Troma bring us (only as distributors, not producers — sorry!) this regionally-produced attempt at that trusted horror film standby, the anthology movie.
In the framing sequences, the supersexy Debbie Rochon gets creepy as a condemned serial killer reading from her notebook of sub-Stephen King horror stories to her executioner (played by “Leatherface” himself, Gunnar Hansen) on the eve of her execution. In the first tale, Amy Swaim plays a troubled suburban mother who murders her children (shades of Susan Smith), only to be haunted from beyond the grave. In the second and most ludicrous tale, Jennifer Pelusco is an abused trailer trash housewife who seeks help from the neighborhood witch to handle her asshole husband, but with unexpected results. The final story concerns a group of corpse-worshipping bikers who get a little supernatural help to evade the law.
Despite being shoddily written across the board and lacking in Troma’s usual diet of gore and nudity (except for an all too brief bit of girl-on-girl action in the third tale), this one’s worth a look primarily for Rochon and the framing story. Maybe you can save a space for it in your Halloween horror movie marathon when you’ve exhausted a lot of better possibilities.
Best Line:
“Please don’t hit me with no more food!”
Side Note:
The film was originally titled “Hellblock 666” but was changed because producers Jeffrey Miller and Paul Talbot, who also wrote and directed, had trouble securing filming locations in ultraconservative South Carolina.
Companion Viewing:
If you’re looking for horror anthologies for you Halloween viewing pleasure, try some of the classics like, like “Black Sabbath” (1964), “Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors” (1965) or “Creepshow” (1982).
Links:
IMDb.
Official Site.
Monsters at Play.
Fear Fragments.
Take a Look:
Sadly, this is only available via Amazon Video on Demand. What’s the deal, Troma? C’mon!
Invasion U.S.A. (1952)
The Scoop:
Help me! I been hyp-mo-tized!
Well, okay, maybe not me, but the cast of this Cold War fossil certainly has. (And no, this isn’t the jingoistic Chuck Norris vehicle that’s been a basic cable staple for years.) The plot is simple — a bunch of characters sit around a Manhattan bar as some recycled World War II stock footage go by, meant to represent a sinister Soviet invasion. Eventually, those filthy reds take over the whole country and kill lots of decent, God-fearing American folks, including the whole cast. Only, (spoiler alert!) none of it happens, since it turns out the whole thing was just a hypnotic trick played by the weird guy at the end of the bar, who has a point to make about the evils of Communism.
It’s just as lame, creaky and unintentionally hilarious as you’d expect it to be. This is the kind of film only a McCarthyite could love. Or a bad movie fanatic, which I hope you are if you’re reading this blog.
Best Bit:
The newspaper boy’s inexplicably gratuitous walk-on.
Side Note:
The film features, in small parts, both Phyllis Coates and Noel Neill, so both played Lois Lane opposite George Reeves in the 1950s “Superman” TV series.
Companion Viewing:
“The Atomic Cafe” (1982) and “The Commies are Coming! The Commies are Coming!” (1962).
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
Sucks to be stuck in San Francisco:
The Devil Commands (1941).
The Scoop:
If ever there was a classic Hollywood star made for the Halloween season, it was Boris Karloff. Even though he made his name under layers of makeup as the monster in “Frankenstein,” he didn’t need any of that to convey the menace and dread that we expect from our creepiest time of the year. But under all that, he was also a very gifted actor who could temper the spookiness with a level of compassion that could make the scares relatable and human. He brought a touch of class to even the cheapest dreck of his lean years.
That air of Karloff gravitas really improves “The Devil Commands,” which would otherwise be easily consigned to the dustbin with the Poverty Row programmers with which it has so much in common
Karloff plays Dr. Julian Blair, a kind-hearted scientist who is trying to create a machine to read and record brainwaves. But when his beloved wife (Shirley Warde) dies, he goes off the deep end and tries to use his machine to speak to her spirit, despite the protestations of his daughter (Amanda Duff) and his assistant/future son-in-law (Richard Fiske). When he meets a ruthless psychic (Anne Revere), things really go off the rails and the obligatory angry local mob has to storm his remote house. Then things end pretty much as you would expect.
The film isn’t terrible by any means, although it is fairly predictable and mines the same territory as plenty of other worse films of the period. Based on the novel “The Edge of Running Water” by William Sloane, the story is tight and well paced, and the supporting cast is capable. And the effects on the machine are pretty decent, making what is essentially a harmless modern EEG machine look like a gothic dungeon contraption that would be right at home in Dr. Frankenstein’s lab.
But the real treat here is Karloff, who brings subtleties to the role that, frankly, the material doesn’t deserve. But it’s a treatment that’s certainly welcome.
Best Line:
“And yet perhaps the time will come with the door to infinity opens. Perhaps…. Perhaps….”
Side Note:
Directed by future Blacklist victim Edward Dmytryk.
Companion Viewing:
“The Black Room” (1935) and “The Ape” (1940).
Links:
IMDb.
Classic-Horror.com.
She Blogged By Night.
Take a Look:
Another YouTube installment special, thanks to Dr. Bubble:
The Haunting (1963).
The Scoop:
I don’t know what you look for in your horror movies, but “The Haunting” is, quite simply, the most frightening movie I’ve ever seen. Forget about the much-ballyhooed “The Exorcist,” which was enjoyable but not particularly scary. This is where the real goods are.
This adaptation of Shirley Jackson’s “The Haunting of Hill House,” directed by Robert Wise and written by Nelson Gidding, puts all other ghost stories to shame — not to mention the inferior remake from 1999. Richard Johnson is Dr. Markway, a paranormal investigator who is hired by a skeptical heir (Russ Tamblyn) to investigate the old family mansion, which legend says is haunted. Dr. Markway brings along two psychics, the mysterious Theodora (Claire Bloom) and the timid, insecure Eleanor (Julie Harris). As they spend a night in the house, things start to turn strange and the foursome has to figure out what is real and what is just a figment of their jumpy imagination.
Forget monsters, forget stalkers and forget torture porn. Everyone involved — including Harris, who gives a brilliant performance — knew that the scariest thing a viewer can face is what is in his or her own mind. The psychological terror is executed wonderfully here. It’s definitely something that will keep you awake at night. And that throbbing door is an image you won’t soon forget.
Perfect — and perfectly creepy — on just about every level.
Best Bit:
The throbbing door.
Side Note:
Although the film takes place in New England, it was shot in Great Britain. The house used for the exterior shots is Ettington Hall near Stratford-Upon-Avon.
Companion Viewing:
“The Uninvited” (1944) and “The Legend of Hell House” (1973).
Links:
IMDb.
1,000 Misspent Hours.
Classic-Horror.com.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
The opening:
Muscle Beach Party (1964).
The Scoop:
I don’t know what it’s like in your neighborhood, but here in Southern California, this week has been Too Darn Hot. Makes you want to cool off at the beach, catching some waves at a beach party.
“Muscle Beach Party” to be exact.
This second entry in AIP’s Beach Party series stays faithful to the formula of the original — Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello surf and dance and romp with their friends while various popular music acts pop up to provide the rockin’ soundtrack — and makes it work once again. The plot is mostly beside the point, but it involves the surfer kids butting heads with an encroaching school of bodybuilders (led by Don Rickles and Peter Lupus/Rock Stevens) and a bored socialite (Luciana Paluzzi). It’s fun, stupid, fluffy and innocuous, which is the perfect tone for the material.
The Beach Party series was powered by its guest stars, and this one is no exception. Besides Rickles, there are also appearances by Buddy Hackett, Morey Amsterdam and Peter Lorre, in his last film role. On the music front, the audience is treated to performances by Donna Loren, Stevie Wonder in his film debut, and plenty of songs by surf legend Dick Dale and the Del-Tones.
Want to stay inside and beat the heat? There certainly are worse ways to do that than “Muscle Beach Party” and the rest of the Beach Party series.
Best Line:
“I only take what’s free! Now, you swing with me on that or you don’t swing at all!”
Side Note:
Except for Stevie Wonder’s number and the sappy “A Girl Needs a Boy” ballad, all the songs were co-written by the Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson.
Companion Viewing:
“Beach Party” (1963).
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
Donna Loren joins Dick Dale and the Del-Tones to sing “Muscle Bustle”:
Peter Lorre puts a stop to all these shenanigans:
Desuko Movie Spot. 