The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004).
The Scoop:
It’s notoriously difficult for TV series to make the successful jump to the big screen. So, when they are used to creating tightly structured 10-minute episodes, you’d think the creators of “Spongebob Squarepants” would be seriously in over their heads trying to fill a 90-minutes feature film. Well, you’d be wrong, because the “The Spongebob Squarepants Movie” delivers, big time.
This time around, Plankton sets in motion another complicated plan to steal the Krabby Patty formula (thereby taking over the world) which involves stealing King Neptune’s crown. So, it’s up to Spongebob and Patrick to retrieve the crown from the dreaded Shell City and save the day. The story is tight and briskly paced, the jokes keep coming, and there’s plenty of great music. (While the characters sing most of the songs during the movie, the soundtrack also features nifty tracks by the likes of the Flaming Lips, Ween, Wilco and even Motorhead, most of which can be heard over the end credits.)
The regular cast of voice talent turn in their usual good performances, but so do the celebrity guest voices — Scarlett Johansson, Jeffrey Tambor and Alec Baldwin.
And as if all that wasn’t enough, the film even has The Best David Hasselhoff Cameo Ever. That alone is worth the price of admission.
There aren’t many drawbacks to the movie, except that some of the regular characters (particularly Sandy Cheeks and Gary the Snail) have been reduced to little more than walk-on parts. Even Squidward to horribly under-utilized. But in their place we get huge slabs of Plankton (not necessarily a bad thing at all) and we also get to see a lot more of the undersea world outside Bikini Bottom.
“Spongebob” is one of those rare animated series that appeal just as much to adults as to kids, but if you’re new to the show and unfamiliar with the characters, you might want to start with some TV episodes just to learn who everyone is. But it’s worth it to get the most out of this thoroughly enjoyable movie.
Best Line:
“You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can’t fool me. I listen to public radio!”
Best Bit:
The “Goofy Goober Rock” number. Raise those devil’s horns!
Side Note:
If “Goofy Goober Rock” sounds familiar, that’s because it’s simply Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” with new lyrics.
Companion Viewing:
Why, the TV episodes, of course!
Links:
IMDb.
Official Site.
Bright Lights Film Journal: “Bikini Bottom Babylon”. (Warning: some spoilers. Beyond that, an excellent critique of the movie.)
Take a Look:
The fine folks at Viacom seem to have scoured the Net clean of all clips from the movie, so you’ll have to make do with these trailers from the official site. There do seem to be about 10 gajillion fan-made videos for “Goofy Goober Rock” over on YouTube, so you can check those out as well.
Last Days of Planet Earth (1974).
The Scoop:
Giants sea slugs, sentient plants and other assorted beasties threaten to destroy the world — all in accordance with the predictions of Nostradamus. (As the introductory voice over makes clear, he also predicted World War II, so you know it must be true!) Light on plot and heavy on old guys arguing dubious science, this film also sets a new world record for the use of stock footage. There is supposed to be an environmental activism message here, but that kind of gets lost in the onslaught of cheese. This is strictly bottom-of-the-barrel Toho fare that makes their rubbery Godzilla sagas look like masterpieces. But at least the opening theme music is kinda groovy. And keep an eye out for the scene in which a single car crash pretty much blows up all of Tokyo.
Best Bit:
The well-dressed salaryman sitting in the tree. No reason, really. He’s just sitting there.
Side Note:
The original, uncut version of the film is still banned in its native Japan because of a cannibalism scene.
Companion Viewing:
Only a double bill of something like “Godzilla, King of the Monsters” (1954) and “When Worlds Collide” (1951) can give you a hint of what to expect here.
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
Here’s the original Japanese-language trailer, which somehow manages to leave out all the coolest, most ridiculous parts (except for the fiery car crash, which you can see a little bit of at the end):
Lady Frankenstein (1971).
The Scoop:
The mad doctor’s sexy daughter returns from medical school to discover the true nature of her father’s experiments. Naturally, she wants to pitch in and help, especially after dad gets killed right away by his own creation. Lady F decides that the best course of action is to create a monster of her own to defeat her father’s monster, which has escaped and is terrorizing the countryside. Naturally, she picks the hunkiest guy in the village to start operating on (both medically and sexually).
This lightweight Italian pseudo-Hammer production turns up the sexual quotient of the story beyond any previous version, even if it seems somewhat dated by today’s standards. Joseph Cotton is strictly slumming as Papa F (in what amounts to little more than extended, wasted cameo), but Sara Bey is sexy and conniving in the title role. Primo ’70s Italo-exploito-trash — too bad the effects are so piss-poor.
Best Bit:
Lady F getting off on having passionate sex with Thomas, the village’s hunky idiot, while her assistant smothers him with a pillow.
Side Note:
Don’t let all those Anglicanized names in the credits fool you — aside from Joseph Cotton, they’re mostly all Italians. For instance, Sara Bey is actually Italian horror queen Rosalba Neri and co-director Harry Cushing is really Aureliano Luppi.
Companion Viewing:
“Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein” (1974).
Links:
IMDb.
Retro Junk.
Take a Look:
Check out the whole thing:
Ghost Story (1981).
The Scoop:
Think “Grumpy Old Men” meets “I Know What You Did Last Summer” (but with a little more class than either of those) and you’ll get the idea of what’s up with “Ghost Story.”
Four elderly men in a small Vermont town call themselves the “Chowder Society” and have been sharing brandy, cigars and ghost stories since their youth. However, they also share an old secret, and when a circle of mysterious deaths starts closing in on them, it finally becomes time to confront their past.
What is basically a lukewarm cliché-ridden thriller (based on the novel by Peter Straub) is made watchable by the four old pros — Fred Astaire, Melvyn Douglas, Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and John Houseman — who give what amounts to swan-song performances, as well as by Alice Krige’s turn as The Creepy Girl. There are also a few scares and chills — just enough to keep you watching until the end. This may not be the best ghost story in the world, but you could certainly do worse.
Best Line:
Just about anything Krige says, since it’s not so much what she says as how she says it. (Although “Dance with me, you little toad!” is hard to beat.) You can definitely see the seeds of her Star Trek Borg Queen portrayal here.
Side Note:
Phillipe Sarde’s score has since become standard library music for many soap operas and telenovelas.
Companion Viewing:
“I Know What You Did Last Summer” (1998) and “What Lies Beneath” (2000).
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
You’re mostly out of luck, folks. The only clip to be found online is a downloadable full version of the film on AOL Video, but it’s a pay service, and only available to Windows XP and 2000 users. But give it a try here if you’re so inclined.
Desuko Movie Spot. 