Zombies of Mora Tau (1957).
The Scoop:
Talk about a movie in desperate need of a good 60-watt lightbulb.
This entertaining (though by no means classic) bit of B-grade schlock — starring Gregg Palmer, Allison Hayes and Autumn Russell — tells the story of divers searching for lost diamonds off the coast of Africa, only to tangle with the band of zombies guarding them. Although this was made with professional talent, it’s still pretty low rent. Most of the action takes place in the horribly-lit night scenes, the acting is stiff, the dialogue consists of some of the most wooden expository claptrap you’ve ever heard, and the zombie make-up pretty much consists of nothing but vacant stares. It’s like an Ed Wood movie, but without the sheer moxie and delight only he could’ve brought to material like this.
“Zombies of Mora Tau” does have one thing going for it, though — underwater zombie fights! As you might expect, this kick-ass concept isn’t used to the best effect, but at least this movie was bold enough to suggest it.
Yet, despite all its flaws, it somehow hangs together enough to be pretty watchable. Just how it does that is a mystery, but who are we to question such a mysterious gift?
Best Bit:
Just about everything that happens in the insanely ridiculous last two minutes.
Side Note:
Another effort from blacklisted screenwriter Bernard Marcus.
Companion Viewing:
“From Hell It Came” (1957).
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
“Zombie vengance over-runs the screen!”
Rock, Rock, Rock! (1956).
The Scoop:
Rock, rock, rock bottom is more like it.
This is easily the worst of the early wave of rock and roll movies. The plot — which is amateurishly directed (by Will Price) and written (by Milton Subotsky, who also served as musical director), and little more than an afterthought — is about a high school girl (played by Tuesday Weld with her singing voice very obviously dubbed by Connie Francis) who becomes a loan shark to afford a prom dress. Meanwhile, Alan Freed does a TV show with an endless parade of ’50s rock acts, including Chuck Berry, the Moonglows and Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers.
These musical interludes provide the only redeeming aspect of this movie, of course, but they can only go so far. Especially when Freed himself sings a song. It takes a special appreciation for bad moviemaking to sit through this one without reaching for the fast-forward button to find the next musical act.
Best Line:
The line from Ivy “Baby” Schulmann’s song “Baby Wants to Rock,” which sounds like “I don’t want a lollypop in my ass,” but probably is something else entirely.
Side Note:
One of the anonymous teens providing background ambience for Weld’s shenanigans is a young Valerie Harper.
Companion Viewing:
“Mister Rock ‘n’ Roll” (1957).
Links:
IMDb.
Hollywood Teen Movies.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
La Jetée (1962).
The Scoop:
Chris Marker’s visionary and innovative short film tells the story of a bleak future in which the survivors of the nuclear holocaust of World War III resort to time travel to try and avoid their fate.
But what sets “La Jetée” apart is not just its inventive treatment of the problems and perils of time travel. It is also the film’s technique — “La Jetée” tells its story almost entirely with still images (shot in superbly moody black and white) and voiceover narration, with only the occasional sound effects or music cues. The result is hypnotic, matching the dream-like pace of the story and its emphasis on the fleeting snapshots of memory.
Best Bit:
The one moving shot in the film. Simple, sublime and romantic.
Side Note:
The film was inspired by the scene in “Vertigo” (1958) in which James Stewart and Kim Novak count the rings of a giant sequoia tree. In turn, it would also serve as the source material for “12 Monkeys” (1995).
Companion Viewing:
“12 Monkeys” and “Alphaville” (1965).
Links:
IMDb.
“The Jetty.”
Take a Look:
Here it is, in its entirety:
Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity (1987).
The Scoop:
It may seem like Troma, but it ain’t. Director/co-writer Ken Dixon set out to create a campy tribute to ’50s B-grade exploitation movies and came up with a winner.
This sci-fi twist on the oft-filmed story “The Most Dangerous Game” is brisk and fun, with lots of cavorting, scantily-clad women thrown into the mix. Big blonde slave girls Daria (Elizabeth Cayton) and Tisa (Cindy Beal) escape from their imprisonment only to crash land on a remote planet where they find big game hunter Zed (Don Scribner), his two brawny robots and their other guests, Shala (Brinke Stevens) and Rik (Carl Horner). Anyone with the least familiarity with the source material will know where this is going right away, but its a fun ride nonetheless. The dialogue is priceless, the girls are sexy and the pace doesn’t sag.
This guilty pleasure was just made for life on the bottom shelf of a video store, back when video stores ruled the world.
Best Line:
“I’ve got the strangest feeling that the normal laws of time and space no longer apply.”
Side Note:
Stevens is a veteran of modern sexploitation movies, having starred in films like “Teenage Exorcist” (1991), “Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl-o-Rama” (1988) and “Slumber Party Massacre” (1982). But she also holds an advanced degree in marine biology and has worked professionally in that field.
Companion Viewing:
Any previous version of “The Most Dangerous Game.”
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
Love Object (2003).
The Scoop:
This lovely little confection is inept enough to be laughable, if only it didn’t wind up being so distasteful.
Desmond Harrington plays Kenneth, a repressed schlub who is also a superstar tech writer who is rising fast in his company, a publisher that provides how-to manuals for everything from computer software to carpentry and first aid (don’t ask). After his oversexed coworkers introduce him to a company that sells lifelike sex dolls online, Kenneth becomes infatuated with new assistant Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller). So, naturally, he tries to make the doll over in Lisa’s image, only to become horribly obssessed. From there, things slide downhill quickly.
What’s wrong with this movie? What isn’t?
Writer/director Robert Parigi is clearly overmatched by the whole moviemaking endeavor. The acting is horrible (Sagemiller is the only actor to register a pulse). Rip Torn and Udo Kier phone in their ridiculously overbilled bit parts. The dialogue is woodenly implausible. The plot is based on a series of improbabilities and non sequiturs. The art direction looks like it came from the dollar store. And then there’s the ending, which is misogynistic at best, and utterly nihilistic at worst.
What starts out looking like humorously cheesy sex farce turns on a dime into an “American Psycho”/”Vertigo” knockoff. It’s not a fun combination, and enough to lose its audience along the way — especially since it isn’t a good enough production to carry any of those other films’ jockstraps.
Best Bit:
The argument with the doll’s tech support line: “Just tell me how to turn it off!”
Side Note:
Harrington and Sagemiller did almost all their own stunts, and it definitely shows in the tepid action onscreen. Sagemiller even sustained a couple injuries.
Companion Viewing:
“Vertigo” (1958), “American Psycho” (2000), “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer” (1986).
Links:
IMDb.
The official site of the French release.
Beyond Hollywood.
Take a Look:
The trailer, which makes it look a lot more competent than it actually is:
The only other clip available on YouTube is this, which comes from a user’s collection of film clips in which women get hit on the head and knocked unconscious. Classy. And, somehow, entirely appropriate for this movie:
Desuko Movie Spot. 