The Chase (1994).
The Scoop:
How could something with such a great premise be so bad — so earth-shatteringly, jaw-droppingly bad?
A convicted killer (Charlie Sheen) escapes police custody in Los Angeles, takes an heiress/socialite (Kristy Swanson) hostage and begins a high speed chase to Mexico and freedom. Tons of cops wind up on his tail, as do several TV news crews, who broadcast the chase live.
The television news’ obsession with high speed freeway chases should be such a perfectly ripe topic for parody — a softball any idiot could hit out of the park. And yet this movie utterly fails at its mission. It’s not just that the script and acting are bad, because those are fairly run-of-the-mill problems. This movie tries hard to cross the boundary into full-scale Ed Wood style ineptitude — all the freeway signs are obviously fake (what was wrong with the real freeway signs, anyway?), none of the police cars or uniforms match, and the list just goes on and on.
Writer/director Adam Rifkin, who was coming off the hilarious “The Dark Backward” (1991) really blew it here. The definitive parody of freeway chases is still waiting to be made.
Best Bit:
The best part isn’t even in the movie proper — it comes after the end credits, with Charlie Sheen in a clown suit reciting the “I love the smell of napalm” speech from his dad’s film “Apocalypse Now” (1979).
Side Note:
Punk icon Henry Rollins has a supporting role as a cop, but watch for the cameo appearances. These include Anthony Keidis and Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cary Elwes and porn star Ron Jeremy.
Companion Viewing:
“Canadian Bacon” (1996).
Take a Look:
“That is a lot of puke.”
This totally happens during all those high speed chases, doesn’t it?
The gripping climax (spoiler alert, as if you really care by this point):
Purple Rain (1984).
The Scoop:
It’s hard to tell who should get top billing for this film — Prince or his momumental ego.
In this excessively transparent vanity project, The Artist Then Still Known as Prince plays “The Kid,” a Minnesota rocker on the rise. All the co-stars (including Morris Day, Apollonia and most of the rest of Prince’s extended entourage) pretty much play themselves. It’s supposed to have some basis in Prince’s real life rise to fame, but that’s probably pretty tenuous at best. The situations are full of age-old entertainment biopic clichés, and quite frankly, Prince’s character comes off as a major asshole. (Then again, that last part might be entirely true.)
But the plot is beside the point anyway; “Purple Rain” is all about the music, and it features one of the best soundtracks albums out there. Besides the title track, there’s “When Doves Cry,” “Let’s Go Crazy,” “I Would Die 4 U” — it’s a virtual greatest hits album. And the versions used in the film were all recorded live, giving them an urgency that could only be supplied by Prince and the Revolution at their creative peak.
There may be a lot of creaky backstage melodrama and Prince-puffery to wade through, but at least there’s great wall-to-wall music and those kooky ’80s fashions to keep you occupied. “Purple Rain” is a classic in its own idiosyncratic way.
Best Bit:
The oh-so-wacky “What’s the password” bit. Come to think of it, that’s probably the worst bit, too.
Side Note:
The symbol painted on the side of the gas tank on Prince’s motorcycle is actually an early version of his “unpronounceable symbol” name.
Companion Viewing:
“Krush Groove” (1985).
Links:
IMDb.
The screenplay.
The ’80s Movie Rewind.
Take a Look:
Who’s on first?
Martin (1977).
The Scoop:
Indie horror maestro George A. Romero takes a low-key approach in this meditative, nontraditional addition to vampire lore, before reaching a genuinely shocking conclusion.
John Amplas is the sympathetic, sexually dysfunctional Martin, who may or may not be an 84-year-old bloodsucker stuck in permanent pubescence. However, in Romero’s world, none of the usual vampire trappings are real — Martin doesn’t even have fangs. Instead, Martin subdues his young female victims with a hypodermic needle, then has sex with them while cutting them and draining their blood.
There are some suspenseful sequences, although the majority of the film centers on Martin’s brooding over his sexuality and the religious mania of his elderly cousin who wants to “cure” him. The film’s sole weak spot is the poor performances by the still-unknown cast (except for long-time Romero collaborator Tom Savini, who has a small supporting role and created the makeup effects.)
“Martin” is very much a product of its time, focusing on thought-provoking themes of sex, religion and identity rather thrills, jolts or gore. These strengths are the strengths of the best 1970s films. The film is also one of the high points of Romero’s body of work, although it is largely forgotten today in favor of his zombie series.
Best Line:
“First I will save your soul. Then I will destroy you!”
Side Note:
Amplas is a Romero regular, appearing in five of the director’s films, as well as serving as casting director for “Dawn of the Dead” (1978).
Companion Viewing:
“Nadja” (1994) and “The Addiction” (1995).
Links:
IMDb.
Fan site.
Classic-Horror.com.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
I Married a Witch (1942).
The Scoop:
The eternally sexy Veronica Lake tries her hand at comedy (a big change of pace for her) with “I Married a Witch” and comes out a winner.
The spirits of a witch (Lake) and her father (Cecil Kellaway), burned at the stake in the 17th century, visit the 20th century to exact revenge on the descendant (Frederic March) of their persecutor (March again). Instead, the witch falls in love with the modern guy. This amusing little film with the feather-light touch of director René Clair flies by at a breezy 77 minutes. And it also served as the inspiration for the “Bewitched” television series 20 years later.
And all that would be enough to recommend this film. But it is raised a notch by Lake’s presence and sex appeal, which prove that there was a lot more to her than just being a noir moll.
Best Line:
“‘Twould be nice to have lips… lips to whisper lies… lips to kiss man and make him suffer. Father, why cannot I have lips, and eyes, and hair?”
Side Note:
The production got uncredited help from Preston Sturges (who produced) and future blacklistee Dalton Trumbo (who co-wrote). However both men eventually left the production before it was finished.
Companion Viewing:
“Bewitched.”
Links:
IMDb.
Take a Look:
She just won’t take “no” for an answer:
They call it witchcraft…
Monsters vs. Aliens (2009).
The Scoop:
Dreamworks scores again with this fun, energetic throwback to 1950s-era creature features.
After Susan Murphy (voiced by Reese Witherspoon) is hit by a meteor on her wedding day, she grows to 50 feet tall. She is captured and sent to a secret government facilty where she meets a misfit group of monsters straight out of your favorite B-movies — Dr. Cockroach, a half man/half cockroach mad scientist (Hugh Laurie); The Missing Link, a prehistoric amphibious creature (Will Arnett); B.O.B., a gelatinous blob (Seth Rogen); and a giant insect named Insectosaurus. They are quickly called upon to fight an invasion by the crackpot alien Gallaxhar (Rainn Wilson).
Also in the cast are Paul Rudd, Keifer Sutherland, Stephen Colbert and Amy Poehler.
The plot is simple and fast-moving, and directors Conrad Vernon and Rob Letterman (plus a small army of co-screenwriters) keep the gags coming at a breakneck pace. While this is enough to entertain the kids, the adults will enjoy spoofs and allusions to films from “The Amazing Colossal Man” and “The Blob” to “Vertigo” and “Dr. Strangelove.” It is also refreshing to see a lead female character who is not a girlfriend or a princess, but a real woman who gets to be heroic in her own right.
The animation is excellent, except for Susan’s absurdly large eyes and a few gratuitous shots designed for the 3-D audience (the first, a clever nod to the 3-D “House of Wax”). A few of the jokes fall flat, but they are more than outweighed by the ones that work. Throw in a couple of well choreographed battle scenes (particularly the one the rages across the streets of San Francisco and onto the Golden Gate Bridge) and you’ve got yourself a winner.
Best Line:
“I am brave. I’m a brave president!”
Side Note:
Keep your ears peeled for the Wilhem scream during the fight with the Gallaxhar clones.
Companion Viewing:
“Mars Attacks!” (1995).
Links:
IMDb.
Official Site.
Take a Look:
The trailer:
Desuko Movie Spot. 